Something to look forward to

bedSo it has been 11 full months without a drink.  Everyone in the aa mtg is always talking about how much better life is sober and how much happier they are and how much better they are at their job and life is wonderful – blah, blah, blah.

I have been waiting for these things to magically happen in my life.  I got my work review today and sobriety definitely has not helped at work.  I used to be able to just tolerate everything knowing I would be 3 sheets to the wind in just a matter of minutes and forget it all.  I cant do that anymore and be a pushover so I have made a number of waves while holding my ground.

The thing I miss most is having something to look forward to.  I never minded hard work as I knew I would reward myself with scotch.  The harder the work, the more scotch I deserved and I never felt bad about it.  I looked forward to going home from work – not to see the kids or friends – but to get my drink going – then I could focus on being a dad and homeowner.  With a low level buzz, I was in there with the best of them.

I don’t have any of that anymore.  No house, no kids, no booze, no real friends. To cope, I have really been trying to stay busy and fill the empty space.  I have really been trying to learn to appreciate the small things during the day.  I have been trying new and different activities

But I really dont have anything to look forward to in life.  I really miss my VSOP and have not yet found a suitable substitute.

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