Depression

happy pills

happy pills

You never hear of people being clinically depressed before the turn of the previous century.  Maybe they were there, hidden, silent.  I bet it was much less frequent than today for a number of reasons.  People worked a hell of a lot harder back then.  Long hours, manual labor, few creature comforts made each day truly closer to survival. People that are very busy and active have a low correlation with depression – and I am not sure if there is a cause and result.  If I am very busy and active – I tend not to dwell on my lack of purpose in life.

I think this is related to ‘why zebras don’t get ulcers’ or why kids that grow up in super-clean houses get autoimmune diseases. I think we need to be physically challenged on a regular basis.  It seems I do anyway.

I suppose I am depressed. I tried some of those head medications about 10 years ago but never liked them or found they did anything helpful.  I think I successfully masked my depression with booze over the years, but now that crutch is gone.  I have not mentioned this to my doctor and thanks to obamacare – will never admit to this.  Too many unintended consequences.  Humans managed to deal or avoid depression for millions of years before meds.  Maybe meds have improved in the last decade – but I think I should cowboy up and try something different first.

Exercise seems to be the quickest way out of a mental funk.  My daily routine has me walking a lot, but it takes jogging/biking/climbing every 48 hours to keep the darkness at bay.  Walking doesn’t seem to do it for some reason.  I learned this by accident this year – I was simply trying to stay busy and avoid drinking. I was doing a good job at exercising regularly in 2012 ever since i left detox in February.  The cold weather in October threw my routine out the window and I have been struggling for a few months now.

I can’t bike outside now, the cold air burns my lungs, the ice is too slippery to run on, and my motivation levels are hitting new lows.  I suck at running anyway.  I need to trick myself and drive over to the heated dome and jog a mile or so.  Depression really sucks all motivation out the window and the cycle feeds itself.

Getting up and doing really is the hard part.

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One thought on “Depression

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